Danna, I have a confession
by Cannibalistic Oreos
Summary: Sasori and Deidara have always been a dynamic duo. But when Deidara admits to his puppet-partner that he's actually a woman, how else is Sasori supposed to react besides an instant attraction? --Sasori x Female!Deidara One-Shot


It was March 31st when he-- err, she admitted it to me.

_"Sasori no Danna... I have something to tell you..."_

His eyes were sad and scared; his arms were standing straight against his body, and he was shaking violently.

"Sure, Deidara, what is it?" I decided to pop out of Hikuro, since I knew his appearance made my blonde partner somewhat nervous. Deidara's head wandered to the side as his fingers shifted and began fiddling together.

"Well... That is..." His hand shifted again as he gripped the collar of his cloak.

"What is it? You know I hate waiting." I stamped my food lightly as I scratched my not-actually-itchy head.

_"I'm a girl."_

I looked over to my newly female partner with a look of confusion as my body wanted to throw a blush over my wooden face.

"What are you talking about? You wasted my time for shit like that? We all know it's not true."

"But it is...!" She cried, a few tears falling from her eye. Now that I knew she was a female, her eyes seemed to grow, kind of like how you usually saw girls in Manga with those eyes that were impossibly big for her face. I had never been close to any really beautiful woman- just my grandmother and Mother. But when you see a beautiful, blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl, her eyes will immediately grow.

"Deidara, we've been to the hot springs. I think I know a guy when I see one." I grinned slightly as she blushed, before she sighed.

"That was Genjutsu... I wasn't ready to tell you... Please Sasori no Danna, you have to believe me! I'm tired of keeping it a secret!" Even her voice got higher pitched. And suddenly, her 'no Danna' began to sound flirtatious and playful. Its times like this I wished I wasn't made of wood. I would have really liked to feel that little twitch you supposedly get from hot girls saying cute things. Luckily I could pretend; I didn't leave anything out when I made this body, if you know what I mean.

"You really are a girl?" Her ponytail bounced as she nodded furiously, and her head cocked to the side when she smiled.

"So you believe me, Sasori no Danna?" I said twitch in my head before continuing.

"I do, but it not like it changes anything. So let's keep going." That wasn't exactly truthful. Knowing that my partner was a female helped me feel less bad about my attraction to her. I jumped back into Hikuro quickly and began trudging along. A short giggled was heard from behind me as the blonde's smile grew larger.

After a couple hours, nearing nightfall, a loud screech was heard from behind me. I stopped and from inside Hikuro, threw my head around. Deidara was wiping hyperactively at her sleeve, with tears bubbling in her eyes and a light blush across her face.

"What happened?" I asked, a bit annoyed. She cried again and shivered, throwing her cloak off revealing her un-illusioned chest, where she happened to be packing at least a couple C's. What? I'm a man, I notice these things.

"T-T-There was a spider on my sleeve!" she squealed, running in front of Hikuro leaving her cloak behind. I turned around from inside again to see her right in Hikuro's vision, except it wasn't her he was seeing, it was her crotch. But hey, I'm not complaining.

"Is that all? I smiled silently, catching a bit of drool with my sleeve.

"Please Sasori no Danna! Get rid of it!" I like this new female Deidara. I used Hikuro's tail to poke through her coat and shake it, letting it hang off the edge of the cliff.

_If I'm lucky, the coat will fall off and I'll get to look at her boobs, in secret, for the rest of my life._ I thought, leaning against the inside edge of Hikuro, a bit of my poison seeping from the hole in my nose. A pervert- yet happy- smile crossed my face. I'm not afraid to admit I'm a pervert and I'm also not afraid to admit the perverted thoughts flowing through my mind. But alas, the coat never fell, and when I returned it to the girl, she hastily through it over her body once again, without an ounce of hesitation. Apparently she wasn't enjoying her exposed body quite as much as I was.

"Yay!" she cried, "Thank you, Sasori-no-Danna!" She happily jumped on top of Hikuro and nuzzled the back of his neck. At that moment I wished I was Hikuro. Maybe I should leave him behind. That way all the glompings would be against my back.

"Deidara, I'm going to come out of Hikuro now," I stated, allowing her to slide to the side. He popped open with a sigh, and I stepped out, my Akatsuki cloak blowing slightly in the wind. I looked around and started stepping forward.

"Ack!" The girl screamed again, hopefully not because another bug.

"What is this time," I breathed, glaring at her slightly. She turned around and pulled her cloak tight, revealing a large hole, probably caused by Hikuro's tail, right overtop where her newly found female butt should be. More poison poured out of my nose as I looked.

"Danna, look what you did! Now everybody's going to see my butt! You idiot!" She flipped around, and as she did, her look of anger melted to one of confusion. Then she uttered, "Danna, your nose is bleeding." She giggled lightly before heading along-side me, wiping the poison from my face. Twitch.

"Oh, thanks." I held back my devious smile at that point. "But let's go."

"What about Hikuro-kun?" she whined playfully, slipping an arm around mine. Twitch.

"I'll leave him behind. I'm bored of being stuffed up in there all the time. I hear our next jinjyruuiki is a weakling anyway." I looked at her without moving my head. She smiled a smile that would make any man who saw it fall in love. Twitch-Twich.

She held onto my arm for a while, until I began to notice her eyes fluttering closed as she walked, then snapping open as she took a breath in.

"Are you tired?" I asked her as she held her head against my shoulder. She giggled, wiping a tear from her eye.

"A little bit, but it's okay, we don't have to stop." I looked at the sun next to the cliff and took a deep breath in.

"Well, it's almost sundown, so we might as well." I turned back to her, giving her a concerned look. She yawned loudly before turning to me and smiling once again.

"If Sasori no Danna wants to stop, so does Deidara." Her apparently on-purpose 3rd person speaking was cute- enough for me to pretend to twitch again. We wandered into the woods next to us and found a small clearing.

She left me to go to the bathroom, apparently, and while she was gone, I lit a small fire in the middle of the clearing. She returned with her cloak tied around her waist, her perky breasts reappearing and that joyful word re-echoing through my brain.

I shifted over to the nearby tree and spread my wooden legs, where my happy hope came true, and she placed her tender body against mine.

"Mmm, Sasori no Danna," she moaned, lifting her arms up around my neck. Her head fell onto my shoulder and she smiled. My facial expression didn't change, but boy, if it was fully alive, I can tell you, my little buddy would have. Her body stretched out as her shirt came out from the top of her pants, revealing her tight, female stomach and highly outlining her apparently bra-less chest.  
I kept my eyes plastered on them for no less than an hour, until I noticed her breathing become heavy, and saw her eyes were closed. My wooden joints clanked together as I shifted my arms around her tender waist. At that, even if I couldn't sleep, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to endure night-time.  
Before I knew it, another hour had passed. I lifted my head, looking through to the sky above. The stars were bright now, meaning it was probably already into the next day. I had gotten used to telling the time by the sky, spending countless nights lying awake.

I used my arms to shift upwards from under the blonde. She shifted with me, except she flipped herself around and crawled down, wrapping her arms around my waist and holder head against my abs. As much as I wanted her to shift down, it wouldn't matter. After a couple minutes, her head shifted the other direction and she began to talk- I believe in her sleep.

"Sasori no Danna... Do you really love me?" After hearing those words, I immediately pushed her off and jumped to my feet, pointing at her viscously with a large frown.

"W-W-W-Where did you hear that?!" I cried nervously. Her tender arms shook as they lifted up her heavy body and her hands wiped her eyes. She yawned softly and smiled, spinning her body round so her legs were bent and her hands were in between.  
"It's sad that you don't..." She whimpered softly and put on an adorable as hell smile, before closing her eyes and blushing, "because I've always loved you." I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm going to act as if that actually happened. Wait, she's getting up. Maybe that did happen!

"D-Deidara-chan, I've always loved you, too!" Now that I knew it was a girl I've been partnered up with, I can openly say that.

"R-Really? That's so great!" She rushed over to me a glomped me. It wasn't long after that she pulled off and attached her tender lips to my cold, lifeless ones. But hey, if she wanted to try, she could go ahead. I was just happy she didn't notice my hands come in contact with her ass. "Sasori no Danna? Will you... Take me?" I'm not sure, but I think every drop of poison in my body came rushing out of my nose at that point, and even as a stood perfectly still, she proceeded in undoing the buttons on my coat and softly pushing it from my shoulders. It hit the ground with soft thud, revealing my shirtless upper body with all its little do-dads. I immediately pushed her to the ground landing on top of her, kissing her soft neck while my hands played kidishly with hers.

"You want me to take you? I have no complaints." I replied between kisses. It wasn't long after that before I began reaching for her pants, undoing the button and zipper.

"Sasori no Danna, what time is it?" She moaned as the tips of my fingers rubbed softly against her lower stomach.

"It's a bit past midnight, why?" I pulled off her underwear to find...

"Deidara, what's going on?" I looked upward, to find her chest was flattened, and her hyper voice and big eyes were back to their original state.

_"Aprils Fools!"_


End file.
